Keep on keeping on

It’s been a long time since I wrote on here, a lot has changed mostly for the better. I’m still here, working on myself a little every day. I’m really excited because recently I was able to return to doing something I love that I thought I would never be able to do again because of a back injury. I’m dancing!! Ok mostly I’m teaching dance and watching my soul come to life in choreography. My body can’t keep up with my heart, but that’s not going to stop me!

Anyway, I just wanted to quickly post that I’m still here, and am currently rereading my posts and reminding myself that I NEED to take time to take care of myself! Life gets busy- well does it actually ever stop being busy?! Not unless we force ourselves to slow down- step away from the never ending chores and work and homework and just breathe. That’s it- go somewhere quiet for awhile and take a breath, remind yourself that life is indeed wonderful, even if the vacuuming and laundry and dishes and dinner aren’t taken care of. Even if you can’t do everything or be everything you want to. Lately I’ve been feeling like as hard as I try I just can’t be everything for everyone. Kinda silly but I forget that sometimes. Sometimes I forget that it’s ok not to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, or employee 24/7. No one is and to expect that of yourself isn’t ok. Would I ever expect that of anyone around me? Heck no!!! Then why on earth do I expect that of myself? If that’s how your feeling- stop! Right here, right now- lets take a deep breath together and stop expecting the impossible of ourselves. One breath, one second, one minute at a time. We can do this thing called life- we won’t be prefect at it but we CAN do it!

Remember who created you, who loves you more than you can comprehend. I believe in life after death, and I also believe during that time I will no longer be crippled by anxiety, depression, and PTSD. One day, I won’t have to work so incredibly hard to find joy happiness and peace. But for now, I pray. I dance. I breathe. And I need to get back in the habit of spending quality time in the scriptures every day. Because that’s where I draw my strength. My Heavenly Father loves me- I am his beloved daughter. You are his beloved child too! We are children of God and as such are recipients of his love, always. No matter how bad we think we’ve messed up- he still loves us. And he will be there when we’re ready. Take care of yourself!

💙

Hauntings of the past

Flashbacks. Nightmares. Dreams of what might have been if things happened differently. Hauntings of the Past.

This morning I woke up haunted yet again by dreams of the past.

I was not the best person in my past, but I’m working every day to change that and become who God knows I can be. As I prayed this morning for comfort regarding the dreams I have that haunt me of my past, I received a very clear inspiration that I need to remember, and share:

Living in the past is what destroyed my mother.

She’s his child too, but she made choices to brood on the past and I truly believe that was the start of her unraveling, the cause of the person she has become today. Why she makes herself miserable and everyone around her miserable. Why she abused me, and would continue to do so if I let her. So if I hold onto my past, I will probably end up destroying my life and all the ones I love and care about the most.

That is my greatest fear. I pray for strength for all of us who are haunted by our past, things we did or things that happened to us. May we find our Heavenly Father’s love and peace, and work towards a better life for ourselves and those we love and cherish.

I hope my subconscious will eventually stop pestering me with the pain of my past, but I know the adversary would like nothing more than for me to dwell there and begin unraveling everything I’ve worked for. So I will fight it when I wake up. I’ll remind myself when I have flashbacks that that is NOT my life anymore. When I dream about what might have been, I’ll remind myself why I’m so grateful things didn’t end up that way because my life is truly blessed just the way it is.

I can’t leave a post without music, because music has been so helpful to my journey. So here is the song that came to mind as I wrote this this morning:

 

Have a wonderful day!

DV Awareness: Have You Ever Felt Invisible?

I wish this wasn’t so prevalent, but it is. Especially during teenage years when friendships often shift. Help wherever you can. Be a friend, a light to someone who needs it, even if they don’t look like they do. Everyone deserves kindness and love. EVERYONE! We are all children of God, we should treat each other as such.

you’re not invisible!

Spiritually prepared?

I kind of diapered for awhile, sorry! Life has had a lot of changes in store for my family and I, most of them have been great. We have been doing well, I’ve just been so busy living life and focusing on my family that I haven’t been able to set aside time to write.

Lately what’s been on my mind has been spiritual preparedness. In my journey, I’ve found more than once that when things get good for awhile, I start focusing my time less on my relationship with  my Heavenly Father and more on the day to day worries and stresses that come my way. Little by little, before I know it I’m finding myself stressed to the limit with no real reason as to why. When I finally slow down enough to contemplate what’s on my mind and why I’m worried, I find it’s always the same answer: I haven’t been making enough time for my spiritual health. Scripture study instead of a lifeline becomes something I don’t have time for because of XYZ. Constant prayer becomes prayers at mealtimes and with the family, not personal throughout the day. My perspective begins ever so slightly to shift to things in the here and now, and I begin to lose sight of the bigger picture.

I had this epiphany (again…) just this week. What did I do about it? Re-focus! I Gave up my excuses and MADE time to study and read scripture and pray. I shifted my perspective back to the things that really matter, and soon enough I found myself relaxing more and more, becoming less worried about the things that were stressing me out.

I’m a homeschooling mom, and part of that for me is a huge responsibility to teach my children how to develop a relationship with their Heavenly Father. It is my personal belief that if they can find faith in Jesus Christ, along with skills to cope when life gets tough, then they will be successful adults and will be able to return to heaven someday.

When I get stressed out and lose focus, I find it rather difficult to teach the things of most importance to my kids. It’s much easier to talk about eternal truths freely when I’m on track with my personal study and prayers. If you’ve ever flown on an airplane, the safety video reminds you to put your mask on BEFORE helping anyone else, including your children. Why? Because if you don’t have oxygen you won’t be of any help to anyone around you.

I often find it difficult to put my well-being at the top of my priority list, and that’s always a dangerous thing to do. Because what good will I be to this world, to my husband and children, if I am not taking care of myself? We can make a difference, we are important, and we are all here for a reason (and it’s a good one!) So keep your spirit healthy, seek your relationship with your loving Father in Heaven, he is the only one who will NEVER let you down! If you have this relationship properly prioritized, everything else is much easier to balance.

And to end this post, I’d like to share one of my favorite songs by Steven Curtis Chapman.

How I find happiness through Severe Depression