Tag Archives: depression

Hauntings of the past

Flashbacks. Nightmares. Dreams of what might have been if things happened differently. Hauntings of the Past.

This morning I woke up haunted yet again by dreams of the past.

I was not the best person in my past, but I’m working every day to change that and become who God knows I can be. As I prayed this morning for comfort regarding the dreams I have that haunt me of my past, I received a very clear inspiration that I need to remember, and share:

Living in the past is what destroyed my mother.

She’s his child too, but she made choices to brood on the past and I truly believe that was the start of her unraveling, the cause of the person she has become today. Why she makes herself miserable and everyone around her miserable. Why she abused me, and would continue to do so if I let her. So if I hold onto my past, I will probably end up destroying my life and all the ones I love and care about the most.

That is my greatest fear. I pray for strength for all of us who are haunted by our past, things we did or things that happened to us. May we find our Heavenly Father’s love and peace, and work towards a better life for ourselves and those we love and cherish.

I hope my subconscious will eventually stop pestering me with the pain of my past, but I know the adversary would like nothing more than for me to dwell there and begin unraveling everything I’ve worked for. So I will fight it when I wake up. I’ll remind myself when I have flashbacks that that is NOT my life anymore. When I dream about what might have been, I’ll remind myself why I’m so grateful things didn’t end up that way because my life is truly blessed just the way it is.

I can’t leave a post without music, because music has been so helpful to my journey. So here is the song that came to mind as I wrote this this morning:


Have a wonderful day!


DV Awareness: Have You Ever Felt Invisible?

I wish this wasn’t so prevalent, but it is. Especially during teenage years when friendships often shift. Help wherever you can. Be a friend, a light to someone who needs it, even if they don’t look like they do. Everyone deserves kindness and love. EVERYONE! We are all children of God, we should treat each other as such.

you’re not invisible!

The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel

“Invisible” is how many have felt as they have been emotionally and psychologically abused. Whether as small children, teenagers, or through adulthood, being ignored or rejected through bullying and abuse causes wounds that deeply affect each victim. No one is “invisible”, and we should treat all the way that we would want to be treated.

Have you ever felt invisible…
like you really didn’t exist?
That everything you say or do…
is somehow totally missed.

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Spiritually prepared?

I kind of diapered for awhile, sorry! Life has had a lot of changes in store for my family and I, most of them have been great. We have been doing well, I’ve just been so busy living life and focusing on my family that I haven’t been able to set aside time to write.

Lately what’s been on my mind has been spiritual preparedness. In my journey, I’ve found more than once that when things get good for awhile, I start focusing my time less on my relationship with  my Heavenly Father and more on the day to day worries and stresses that come my way. Little by little, before I know it I’m finding myself stressed to the limit with no real reason as to why. When I finally slow down enough to contemplate what’s on my mind and why I’m worried, I find it’s always the same answer: I haven’t been making enough time for my spiritual health. Scripture study instead of a lifeline becomes something I don’t have time for because of XYZ. Constant prayer becomes prayers at mealtimes and with the family, not personal throughout the day. My perspective begins ever so slightly to shift to things in the here and now, and I begin to lose sight of the bigger picture.

I had this epiphany (again…) just this week. What did I do about it? Re-focus! I Gave up my excuses and MADE time to study and read scripture and pray. I shifted my perspective back to the things that really matter, and soon enough I found myself relaxing more and more, becoming less worried about the things that were stressing me out.

I’m a homeschooling mom, and part of that for me is a huge responsibility to teach my children how to develop a relationship with their Heavenly Father. It is my personal belief that if they can find faith in Jesus Christ, along with skills to cope when life gets tough, then they will be successful adults and will be able to return to heaven someday.

When I get stressed out and lose focus, I find it rather difficult to teach the things of most importance to my kids. It’s much easier to talk about eternal truths freely when I’m on track with my personal study and prayers. If you’ve ever flown on an airplane, the safety video reminds you to put your mask on BEFORE helping anyone else, including your children. Why? Because if you don’t have oxygen you won’t be of any help to anyone around you.

I often find it difficult to put my well-being at the top of my priority list, and that’s always a dangerous thing to do. Because what good will I be to this world, to my husband and children, if I am not taking care of myself? We can make a difference, we are important, and we are all here for a reason (and it’s a good one!) So keep your spirit healthy, seek your relationship with your loving Father in Heaven, he is the only one who will NEVER let you down! If you have this relationship properly prioritized, everything else is much easier to balance.

And to end this post, I’d like to share one of my favorite songs by Steven Curtis Chapman.

Trials of Faith

Have you ever pondered who you would be if nothing bad had ever happened to you? Or if there was a loving God out there who really cared about you, why would he let you experience pain, heartache, abuse, depression, and all other ailments we face?

As I read the story of Abraham and Isaac tonight- I learned about myself. For years this story has bugged me: why would God ever even ASK someone to sacrifice their child?! Here’s what I learned:
1. Isn’t that what he did when he sent Christ to atone for all of us?
2. If he never tried Abraham’s faith, would he be able to do all God needed him to?

So how does this apply to me you might ask. Well it’s simple. You see, God has given me a lot of faith building experiences, None of which were easy. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have asked “why me?!” Yet when I look at the bigger picture I can see that I would have never grown if I had never been through hard times. In fact, I would be a pretty bland person if I never experienced anything bad in life. But it is important to acknowledge that the only reason I am content today is because I have a Savior who helped me through and I allowed him in to do so. Because of this I have become the person I am today, which is a lot better than the person I was yesterday. Because I trust in him, he provides what I need in all aspects of life.
And because I have faith in him, not only will he continue to help me through, but he will give me opportunities to teach those around me about his great love.

So I ask you this: will you trust him to grow your faith in the face of despair? Will you acknowledge his hand in your life? What kind of person will you chose to be?


The past two weeks went so fast it feels like a blur. Have you ever felt like life is going 100 miles a minute and all you want to do is slow it down? What happens when the plans you make don’t work out?

I have a tendency to worry about everything when what we planned for our future doesn’t work out. I find it so easy to forget when plans fall apart that my life is in my Heavenly Father’s hands. If something isn’t going the way I expected, that’s because my Heavenly Father has something better in mind.

When I remember this, I then scramble to try to figure out what it is he has in mind (I’m not exactly a patient person). While I truly believe my life is in God’s hands, I also believe I need to do everything I can to diligently seek the solution to whatever problem is at hand. But this is where I allow far too much worry and stress into my life! Add restless nights trying to figure it all out RIGHT NOW before I fall asleep to an already busy life, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.

It is in the silent moments (which are rare with young kids!) when my mind is empty and I am calm that I realize how caught up I am in my own drama. These moments tend to come when I pray, and earnestly seek an answer from my Heavenly Father. This is when I realize just how much unnecessary worrying I’ve been doing, and that I really need to just relax and put my trust in God. In these moments, I am rejuvenated and reminded of the big picture. When I’m aware of how much I have let stress take over, it helps me put everything back into perspective and get back on top of things.

So now what? Well, I’ve stopped worrying (for now). I have reminded myself of my priorities, and am ready to resume day to day life without worry. I’m making it a point this week to slow down and enjoy time with my kids. They have a magical view of the world, and when I see it through their eyes it’s almost like the clock stops (until the dishes need to be done). After all,

“This is Life don’t miss it”



It has been one year on Mother’s Day since I last spoke to my mother. In that time my soul has been grappling with this word. What does it mean? What does God expect of me? How can I forgive while still protecting myself and my family from those who have hurt me, and would continue to do so if I let them back into my life? Can I really let this relationship go? How can I fill the void in my heart where all this anger, hurt and pain is? If they never come around, how will I be able to let this go? Will I be able to return to my Father in Heaven if I do not let my them back in my life? Is it possible to forgive someone within your family without associating with them? What should I do? What is best in my situation?

Continue reading Forgiveness

Easter Reflections


It’s been far too long since I have written. It took more out of me to share my story than I expected, but I’m back and ready to continue writing!

This year was one of the best Easter’s I have ever had, simply because I was able to focus on the real meaning behind the Holiday. For far too many years it was hurry, get the eggs colored, buy the candy and hide the Easter eggs, how much money do we have to spend on Easter basket gifts, rush rush rush! I find this to be the default setting for myself when it comes to all holidays, which leads me to ask myself “when did I become the boring grown up who doesn’t even like Holidays?”

Continue reading Easter Reflections