It’s been far too long since I have written. It took more out of me to share my story than I expected, but I’m back and ready to continue writing!
This year was one of the best Easter’s I have ever had, simply because I was able to focus on the real meaning behind the Holiday. For far too many years it was hurry, get the eggs colored, buy the candy and hide the Easter eggs, how much money do we have to spend on Easter basket gifts, rush rush rush! I find this to be the default setting for myself when it comes to all holidays, which leads me to ask myself “when did I become the boring grown up who doesn’t even like Holidays?”
While reflecting on this with my husband, he helped me remember that my focus was not where it should be. It’s as simple as this: Easter is about Christ, and if my focus isn’t on him I’ve lost the true spirit of the holiday, and all I have left is the stress of the unnecessary activities. Sure there are wonderful family traditions that are fun, but if I don’t keep Christ as the center of the activities, I find myself feeling all the stress and none of the joy.
After having this realization, suddenly everything changed. I saw the joy in my children’s eyes as we colored eggs. I heard the excitement in their voice as they searched for hidden eggs with candy inside. And then on the evening of Easter, I shared with them the true meaning of Easter**.
I found myself feeling the purest form of the Spirit as I shared the story of Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection with my children. I was reminded of the incomprehensible sacrifice he made FOR ME. The Atonement of Jesus Christ returned to the forefront of my mind, and left me feeling incredible gratitude for my savior.
I was reminded that through this miracle, I can be forgiven of my sins and mistakes. It is through this miracle that I can and will continue to find healing and peace. Because of Jesus Christ’s sacrifice, despite my imperfections if I continue to better myself each day I WILL live with my Father in Heaven again.
In my experience, when I have felt suicidal, this is the one thought that saved me every time:
I am not alone, Jesus Christ knows EXACTLY how I am feeling. He experienced everything I am going through, He knows and fully understands the agony my soul is feeling. AND HE DIED SO THAT I COULD LIVE. He died to give me hope. As I processed these thoughts, I could tangibly feel his love. It was as if he was there with his arms around me, pulling me off the ground, and giving me the strength to pick up the pieces and try again.
While depression has been most definitely a struggle for me, it has also been a vessel for God to strengthen my testimony. Because of my experiences I can write today and tell you that I know he lives beyond a shadow of a doubt. HE IS REAL! I know that regardless of your personal circumstances, if you allow him into your heart he will change you IF, and only if, you allow him.
So as this Easter season passes, I feel renewed strength in my Savior. I am so grateful for the sacrifices made just for me, and just for you. It is my hope and prayer that whomever reads this will be able to sincerely seek the Savior, and find a place for him in their life.
Until next time,
**For the past 3 years We’ve taught our young children the Easter story with a wonderful kit my Mother-in-law made us. It is so fantastic, I’ve decided to share it with all of you! Look for it in my next post!